I'm The Akatsuki WHAT?
by sant04
Summary: "Let me get this stright, so long as I play a good maid I won't be killed?" "That's the deal." Falling asleep on the couch has never led to this much trouble before. Rated for Hidans' mouth and yaoi.
1. Day 1

**I'm The Akatsuki What?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did there would be more yaoi.

Authors Note: Neko here! This is my first fanfic to be put on the internet. So please review at the end and tell me what you think! Flames are excepted too! Although let me warn you now there will be yaoi and although I have a plot line for this story. I will not write a full all out sex scene so if that is what your looking for go somewhere else.

_'Thoughts look like this.'_

* * *

First off I am an American as such have no respect what so ever for cultural norms and have a habit of over bleaching my hair so I can dye it blue. Other then my blue hair I look just like anyone else at 160cm and with a less then impressing bust. With a Mexican-American background I got tan skin that never burns. So its only natural that I scream when I see a pair of green blood shot eyes stare right at me when I wake up on what was suppose to be my couch.

"AAAAAHHH!~" Can you blame me for screaming? Can you really?

"Will you shut the hell up?" Its then when I get a good look at his face and realize who this person is.

_'Oh my gosh its Kakuzu from Naruto! But that's impossible!' _"What the hell is going on?" Was all I could say, of course that wasn't the smartest thing to say ,but still come on what would you say?

"That's what we should be asking you? Who are you and what are you doing here, let alone how did you even get in?"

"Um I have no idea why or how I'm here ,and my name is Neko."

"Why don't I believe you? Lucky for you I'm in a good mood. Tell me a really good reason not to kill you and maybe just maybe I'll spare your life."

_'Crap I am so screwed! Lets see I know he likes money, but I don't have any... And hey his mask is off cool!' _"Huh, you would think stitches like those would be scary looking , but huh. Weird. Oh! Yeah um why I can live, um I can clean! I don't know what do you want me to say? That I can clean this place for free so long as you let me live? I don't know?" The fact was that the place really did need to be clean looking around I don't know if I had insulted him or said something that could help me.

" Why should I trust someone who appeared out of nowhere to clean this place? How do I know that you aren't a spy?" Kakuzu was looking at me really suspiciously. Though I couldn't blame him.

"Because I suck at lying and I don't have the physical ability to be a either. Not only that, I suck at keeping up with lies before they all backfire on me." I truthfully say.

"Fair enough, but that still doesn't explain why or how you managed to get in here in the first place."

"That my friend is truly a mystery that only god could answer."

"I hope you're talking about Jashin bitch." Hidan walks in then, with a slight limp?

_'Crap if I'm not careful I'll end up as a sacrificed for his god! That's so not a way I want to die. I've seen what he does in his rituals.' _"Um sure, why not! He sound like a all-powerful god!"_ 'Please take that as a compliment!' _

"You better fucking believe it bitch! Jashin is the one and only true god!"

"Really now? Care to explain how his religion works?"_'Maybe I can get him to spare my life if I take an interest in Jashin!'_

"Really? Okay so it goes like this-"Hidan got really excited at the prospect of converting someone into Jashinism.

"HIDAN! This person is currently under investigation as to why she is here in the first place! Not to hear you ramble on about your god." Kakuzu manage to gain control of the situation again.

_'Damn it! Almost made it!'_"Like I said before I have no idea how I got here. All I know is that I fell asleep on the couch in my home, when I woke up ,and ended up here. If I had know that waking up early to go to school was going to lead to this I would have slept in."

"Wait a minute you have no fucking idea how you ended up here, even though this place is suppose to be tightly secured?" Hidan looked really impressed at this feat.

"Yeah I'm not to happy about it either. That's why I kinda screamed earlier when I saw an unfamiliar face." I looked down at this because I didn't want to insult Kakuzu by saying his face scared me the first time I get an up close look at it.

"Hey what the fuck is in that bag that's with you?"

I turn to see my school bag in all its glory." My school bag! I didn't notice it here! That's great!" I turn to see their confused looks." Well you see in this bag is everything I need to survive school everyday. As such it has the basic stuff like pencils,pens, glue, tape, band aides, blood, paper-"

"**Blood?**" Their expressions were priceless.

"Yes blood, how else am I going to play pranks on the teachers and students. Although I need to get more. But I need to find fake blood that actually looks like blood because the stuff I have now drys looking like marker." I finish my rant and see their expressions clear up a little." What? Do you honestly think I'm going to spend good money on real blood that will clot and dry up without refrigeration?"

"All this still doesn't explain why you are here in the first place." Kakuzu reminds us.

"How about I work for you guys free of charge ,under supervision, so long as its not illegal."

"Define illegal." Kakuzu seem to like the idea of having free labor, go figure.

"Illegal as in killing, prostitution, just the usual stuff nothing fancy." Not that I was big on the justice stuff I just wanted to get those two out there.

" Fine you will work as a maid until further notice. The first time you slip up I will kill you. You will not get a second chance do I make myself clear?"

"Clear as can be. Just one question,I don't think you mentioned your name."'_If he has I'll act like an idiot.'_

"Kakuzu. And the idiot next to me is Hidan." Hidan got really pissed at that comment.

" Who the fuck are you calling an idiot?" If he had said any louder he would have,been screaming.

Kakuzu ignored him and said" Welcome to the Akatsuki, Neko."

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Authors Note:Well there you have it my first chapter please review it. And go and click on my poll, I need more feedback from the people reading this or just people who are passing by. Until next time this is Neko!


	2. Day 1 part 2

**I'm The Akatsuki What?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the other stuff that is mentioned.

Authors Note: Neko here! Thought I would put up the next chapter. But first here is the deal people I don't mind if you don't like to review and what not ,but as a new writer I need your feedback so please write a review. And if I don't get 3 reviews at the very least then I won't post the next chapter.

'Sounds look like this'

_'Thoughts look like this.'_

* * *

_A Pro for working for the Akatsuki would include not having to wear a silly maids outfit because i__t cost too much to buy. (Thank god for Kakuzu's cheapness) Another pro would be that this work for the most part is just cleaning, after explaining I couldn't cook without a cookbook and no one owned one here. I was excused from doing that. I got my own ro__om and it even has a bathroom! The Cons on the other hand include having to listen to Hidan rant on and on about Jashin while he watched me work. For food though__,__ I had to make everything myself because prepackaged foods cost too much. My room was the size __of a king sized bed, so my real bed was really a futon and a small one at that. The bathroom was about the same size as my room and was really cramped trying to get to the standup shower in the back._

"Sigh~" Sweeping was one of my few abilities when I didn't have to respond to Hidan every few seconds to agree with him.

"Thus proving that Jashin is the one true god and all those other fuckers that claim to be gods can just burn in hell with their fucking heathen followers. And all- hey are you even fucking listening?" Hidan turned to look at me.

"Yes, Jashin is the one true god and everyone else can go to hell, I heard you." I look up at him wondering if he was done yet.

"Good now as I was saying-"

"Neko! Hidan get over here now!" Kakuzu shouted down the hall from where I was told the leader's office was at.

_'Yes! Freedom! Thank you Kakuzu!' _I came close to running in an effort to get away from Hidan and his preaching.

"Hai, Kakuzu-san!" I couldn't have been happier to see him. Seriously, I can only take Hidan's ranting for only so long before I feel like trying to kill him, or at least damage his vocal cords.

"As you know Akatsuki is an organization filled with S-classed criminals I just wanted to alert you that two of our members will be returning tomorrow and will not be aware of you being here, as such tomorrow you are to remain in your room until someone comes for you. Any questions?"

"Yes"_ 'What about breakfast?' _"Will it be you or Hidan-san that gets me or just whoever remembers me first?"_'Please let it be you I d__on't want to deal with Hidan in the morning. I just might kill him.'_

"It will most likely be me, unless Hidan wakes up first, which I highly doubt." _'Yes! I might not have to see him in the morning!' _

"Is that a fucking challenge, Kuzu? I bet I could come up with a distraction to keep you up all night long." I swear I heard Kakuzu smirk at that comment.

"Hidan if it is, then I'll make sure you won't be walking straight in the morning. Or the rest of the day, for that matter."

_'I wonder if they know I'm still here...'_"If I'm no longer needed here, I think I'll go back to sweeping." It was getting a bit awkward to just stand by and listen to them talk about what they planned to do to each other.

"Right then, Hidan you mind watching her for the rest of the afternoon?" Kakuzu seemed to recover fast from, well I don't know for sure what they were saying; for all I know they could be talking about sparring or sex, either of which I didn't really care, just that I had Hidan to deal with. Again. Crap there goes my patience.

"Sure! I can continue my lecture on how fucking great Jashinism is and how she should fucking convert to it by now!" Hidan really did seem to like the idea of converting someone; I just wished it didn't have to be me.

"No that won't work at all considering your religion takes up too much time and space to have two people here devoted to it. Might as well give it up now."

"And disobey-" After a while I just tuned them out wondering which members I would get to meet next.

**The next morning...**

"Hungry, so hungry, need food, need coffee, need um what else do I need?" I was bored out of my mind and had woken up on my own. This was bad; I never wake up before 8 on my own which meant I need food or someone to come let me leave my room. "THAT IS IT! I don't care if I get killed for going to get food! If I want food gosh darn it, I will get food!" So I did the only thing that came to mind and left my room for the kitchen I really didn't care if I got caught at this point, this is what hunger does to me.

* * *

"If you can't stand

The way this place is

Take yourself to higher places.~" Yes, I was singing, it's what I do when I'm left by myself for too long.

"At night

I feel like a vampire

It's not right

But I can't just give it up~" By this time I was in the kitchen and for future references I was listening through a tacky little mp3.

'Click'

"I'll try to get myself higher

Let's go-"_' I wonder if I can't make oatmeal? Yum, oatmeal and brown sugar.' _Turns out I put the volume up too much and couldn't hear anything else going on around me. _'Let's see I found the oats and the sugar and... Hey coffee grinds! Great! Now I just need to find stuff to cook it in!' _

"-Break away from everybody!"

"Hey is that the coffee grinds?"

"Break away from everything!" you know how when you can't hear anyone from loud music? Well I can't so for the second time in two days I did what I do best. I screamed.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH~!" Well I can't help it if somebody suddenly grabs my shoulder from behind to get my attention.

"Hey, chill will you? I'm just trying to make coffee and you have the grinds. Yikes, no need to get paranoid. That's Itachi's job." I look up to see none other then...

* * *

Authors Note: Well there you have it my second chapter please review it. And go and click on my poll, I need more feedback from the people reading this, even if its just a complaint on how short it is. And don't forget if I don't get at least 3 reviews I'm holding the next chapter off. Until next time this is Neko!


	3. Day 2

**I'm The Akatsuki What?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the other stuff that is mentioned.

Authors Note: Neko here! Thought I would put up the **real** chapter three, the last one was just a gag I put up to have fun with you people! Thank you to everyone who did review and gave me tips on how to make this story better for everyone to read!

'Sounds look like this'

_'Thoughts look like this.'_

* * *

I look up to see none other then Kisame. And he was smirking? "What the hell was that for? I do not appreciate it when people sneak up behind me or laugh that I screamed! That's what I have Greg for, he's the sadistic-masochist!" I was on a roll, even though it really was my fault to start with. "¡No puedo creer de hiciste me! ¡No hice nada para-" Yeah I speak Spanish, it kinda comes with the whole Mexican-American thing.

"Wait what the hell did you just say to me? I have no idea what language you just spoke!" Kisame was really flustered. Guess he never heard someone speak Spainsh.

"I said and I quote '¡No puedo creer de hiciste me! ¡No hice nada para merecer!' ¡Usted es una persona muy mal, para burlarse de mí, como se ha hecho nada grosero!ˡ" (Translations on the bottom of the page.)I was really pissed that he couldn't tell I was speaking Spanish; of course it never really occurred to me he didn't know what I was saying. It really didn't...

"I'm sorry! Now will you speak a language I can understand or at least know?" Poor Kisame, who knew he was the type to be flustered, when confronted with unknown languages.

"I said ' I did nothing for you to scare me, slash, laugh at me when I didn't do anything to you.'"_'That's not everything I said, but it should keep him happy for the moment.' _

"Oh. I just wanted the coffee grinds and you couldn't hear me. Didn't think it would scare you that much." Kisame looked so sincere, I almost gave him the coffee grinds.

"Wait, if I give you the coffee grinds do I get dibs on-"

'BAM'_'oh dear lord please don't let it be-'_

"There the fuck you are Neko! When I went to your fucking room I didn't see you there, so I came here! Now are you ready for another lecture on how-" _'him.' _I really was at my limit, there was no way I was going to listen to him. So I did the only thing I could do in a situation like this. I prayed for divine help.

'Crash,Snap,Clap' I dropped everything, fell to my knees, and clapped my hands to pray. "Dear father that is in heaven I pray forgiveness for my sins-"

"What the fuck is fucking wrong with her? What the fuck did you do Kisame?" Hidan didn't seem to notice who I was praying to, so I kept going.

"and pray that you find mercy for my soul-"

"I didn't do anything to her. She was fine until you came in. What did you do Hidan?" Kisame didn't seem, to be able to make anything of it either.

"All I fucking said, was that I was going to give her a fucking lecture on-" Two things went click in Hidan's brain at that moment: One I wasn't praying to Jashin and two he was the reason I was praying to a different god.

"and free from the approaching hell that threatens my sanity-"

"WHAT THE FUCK! Are you praying to some fucking heathen god? Are really that intent on going to fucking hell, for your fucking wrong beliefs, in the wrong fucking god!" Hidan was pissed beyond comparison and nothing could probably stop him except maybe god himself.

"Hidan what the hell is with all the noise in here? You are suppose to be watching Neko." _'Kakuzu! My hero!'_

"This little bitch is praying to some heathen god because of Jashin! I refuse to watch this little bitch or have anything to do with her!" Hidan stormed away as soon as his point was made.

"Is he gone?" I look up from my place on the ground hope brimming in my eyes.

"Um, what just happened here?" Kakuzu and me turn to look at Kisame.

"Oh nothing, I just prayed to god that I didn't have to listen to Hidan, rant about his god, and it worked for once. That and you were saying something about making coffee."

X And I ran, I ran so far away! Got to get away X (Please ignore this)

"Okay mind telling me your story? It would help us trust you more if we knew something about you." Kisame had finally heard the story of what had happened up to this point and was taking it rather well.

"Sure, no problem! Lets see, I think I'll start with telling you about my life before I came here. Although, that kind of information is pretty much useless here; it can explain anything you find strange about me, and the reason behind it." _'Story time.'_

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Translations:ˡ I can not believe you did that to me! I did nothing to deserve that! You are a very bad person, to make fun of me like nothing rude was done!

Authors Note:Well there you have it, my third **real** chapter, please review it. Until next time this is Neko!


	4. Day 2 part 2

**I'm The Akatsuki What?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the other stuff that is mentioned.

Authors Note: Neko here! I'm sad to say that my chapters will posted on longer intervals because apparently my lab-top is free territory, to be taken while I'm at school. One more thing please vote on my poll! I know there is at least more then ten people who read this story. Please vote! And thank you to everyone who review and gave me tips on how to make this story better for everyone to read!

'Sounds look like this'

_'Thoughts look like this.'_

* * *

"Lets see, I think I'll tell you a little about my life first." _'I'll need to follow the liars number one rule on this one.' _"I grew up in a normal family with a normal dad and mom, including my brother, we were an average family. Until a while back my family divorced and I gained a step-mom, a step-brother and a half sister. Other wise I lived a happy normal life." From the look of their faces I could tell they were looking for some really depressing tale, that involved a lot of blood shed and tears. So I kept going."Now for telling you about myself:

I'm 5'4 or 160 centimeters;

My weight is none of your concern just know that it is pretty average;

My real hair color is darkish brown, but you won't see it until my roots start showing again, until then my hair will remain blue;

Although, my hair has yet to make an inch past my shoulders, I still hope for long hair.

I'm from a Mexican-American background due to this my skin will remain tan unless I'm kept out of the sun too long;

I am not a ninja as proven by the fact that cartwheels are impossible for me;

Back home I'm pretty much the good kid that never gets in trouble. That should be everything I can tell you for now. Any questions?"_'I think I covered everything, they should know, but anything else my compromise my chances of seeing tomorrow.'_

Kakuzu spoke first "You never mentioned your age. As far as we know, you could be an old woman that looks like a kid."

"Um, I'm actually really uncomfortable about answering that. What I can tell you, is that legally I'm still too young, to drink alcohol or smoke."

"Whats wrong about stating your own age? It can't be that bad." Kisame finally started to speak again.

"Because of something I have an issue with, causes me to have an issue with my own age. Although if you really think about it, it's kinda stupid."

"Alright then explain that strange language you were speaking earlier." Kakuzu really perked at this bit of information.

"You speak a different language?"

"Yup, I speak Spanish, French, and if try, I can sing a bit Russian and German." Kakuzu's eyes got really dark and distrusting when I told them that.

"And we can assume you are not a spy why? Which village are you from anyways?" I still swear that he was holding a kunai right then.

_'Crap! I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, but I still haven't decided which village to say I'm from!'_ So I did the stupid American thing. "I'm from the land of the free and the brave."

"That can be anywhere." Kisame didn't like the lack of information either.

"Yes, but only my country is stupid enough to say 'it's illegal to have more than two dildos in a house'."_'Actually that only applies to my state, but whatever, close enough.'_

"..." It became really quiet when I said that.

"You guys just gave birth to gay baby, you know." It had gotten too quiet for my taste.

"What the fuck! Kakuzu you slept with this mother fucking piece of shit!" We all turn to see Hidan standing at the doorway, his face contorted in anger.

"Wait! I just-"_'Crap, I didn't mean it that way!'_

Hidan interrupted before I could finish."You fucking asshole I can't believed that you-" Kakuzu had gone ninja and appeared before Hidan. The next thing that happened, will never ever, leave my memory.

X 'Thinking about all the shit that made me wrong in my head.' X

_'Let's see what I learned to day. First off, I'm the off the hook for explaining where I really from. Second would be, that Kakuzu never really did get anyone else to watch me, Kisame kinda disappeared, so I get to work alone. Oh and third would have to be that Kakuzu is really open about his relationship with Hidan.' _"Who knew that Kakuzu was really like that."

**Flashback**

Kakuzu went right up to Hidan and punched his face. "Will you shut up! You're being an idiot!"

When I turned to look at Kisame I saw he had already left. I turn back to say. "Um, Hidan that's was just something we say back home to break awkward silences. It doesn't really mean that Kakuzu-san really had a baby."

"Oh."

**End**

_'That was probably the first time,since I've been here, that he hasn't cursed. Huh, I guess feeling like a idiot really hit home with him. Of course it helps that Kakuzu dragged him off somewhere. And now that I really think about it no one told me whether or not Itachi is the other member here.'_ "Oh well, I guess the best thing to do now is try to avoid getting killed, until I figure out how to work the coffee machine." Yeah that really was on my mind. Yeah I know I should have been thinking about going home, but I really need my coffee to do such thinking.

"You have to push the green button to start it."

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Authors Note:Well there you have it, my fourth chapter, please review it. And please go to my poll. Don't forget I don't know when the next update will be because its kinda hard with my dad having my Laptop. Until next time this is Neko!


	5. Day 2 part 3

**I'm The Akatsuki What?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the other stuff that is mentioned.

Authors Note: Neko here! I finished the next chapter hooray. Please vote on my poll! Please vote! And thank you to everyone who review and gave me tips on how to make this story better for everyone to read! Oh and one more quick note, the whole law thing with the dildos is very much real.

'Sounds look like this'

_'Thoughts look like this.'_

* * *

I turn and the sight I see makes me scream. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I turn and run and duck under the table. What could have been so bad that it made me turn and run you might ask? Tobi aka Madara Uchiha, now I really don't mind his 'meant-for-dealing-with-people-who-did-not-know-who-he-really-is-personality, but I knew better then to fall for it. And well the fact that I knew about his history, really scared me, especially the fact that he could figure out what I was hiding.

"Eh? Whats wrong? Tobi was trying to be a good boy and help you out with the coffee machine." Tobi er-Madara looked under the table to get a better view of me. I was trying my hardest not to look up and see his face, well mask, you know what I mean.

"What's going on here?"_'Kisame! Thank whichever god is out there, that's looking out for me!' _Kisame had returned with the intention of getting coffee, as soon as he knew the feud with Hidan and Kakuzu had calmed down. "Why do I hear screaming?"

"I don't know, she just looked at me and screamed. Tobi was just trying to be a good boy!"

"Huh? Why would Neko scream from a look at you?" Kisame moved Tobi out of the way to look at me.

"Because the swirly mask of doom threaten to suck up my soul, if I stared to long into the orange abyss."

"..."

"Neko."

"Yes."

"Are you on any kind of medication we need to be informed of."_ 'Kisame must really be use to crazies if he could handle this so well.' _

"...Noooooo. Well I don't know. My parents never took me to see a therapist because it cost too much."

"..."

"Oh, but I found out that drinking coffee with a lot of milk and sugar, puts me into a state of peace. Which is weird because anyone else would be hyper." _'Of course the affect is temporary and I need to come up with a new reason why I don't want to face Tobi, I mean Madara.' _

"Alright then I start the coffee machine. Until then, how about you come out from under there?" _'Yup __defiantly use to the crazies.'_

"No. Not until I get proof, that the swirly mask of orange doom won't suck up my soul." _'Yeah I'll stick with that story.'_

"Tobi isn't going to suck up your soul. Tobi is a good boy!" _'Yeah right.' _"Besides whats Tobi going to do with your soul anyways?" _'I can think up a good hundred reasons, all of them having to do with some sort of sacrifice to bring back the dead.'_

"I'm still not coming out. Anyways, I'm already comfy."

"By the way who are you anyways? Tobi doesn't remember there being a new member." _'Of course you won't know me. You hand pick all of the members yourself.'_

"I'm the cleaning lady, I was hired yesterday. And the name's Neko. Any questions?"

"Yes. Where did you get the idea that I was going to suck up your soul? Tobi is a good boy!"

"Because of the stories I heard, about how the Chupacabra wears a orange mask." _'Actually all he really is just a mythical creature.'_

"A Chupacabra? Tobi never heard of something like that before! What it like? Is it a demon of some sort?"

"Um, well, lets see, I know that its been seen down south and that its been know to suck the blood out of its victims. It's been said that it looks like a reptile and that it has spikes along its back. With blood red eyes, that look into your soul and place judgment, on the fool who dare stare too long. Oh, that and who ever manages to catch it and drink a bit of its blood can gain immortality!"_ 'I really need my coffee if I can spout nonsense like that. Whatever happen to the coffee Kisame said he would make?'_

"Is that so?" Tobi/Madara's voice went deep for a moment.

"Coffee is ready!" Kisame voice (finally) booms out.

"CO-ack!" At the sound of coffee my head popped up and if you remembered, I'm still under the table, so yes it hurt. "My head, my head. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!" I curled into a tight ball in an effort to squeeze the pain out.

"Okay, out you go." Kisame took advantage of my pain and pulled me right out from underneath the table.

"No! ¿Qué estás haciendo? ¿Intenta matar a mi?¹" I would have started to struggle if my head didn't hurt so much.

"Huh? Tobi can't understand what you're saying? Is that some kind of new made up language?" Tobi was practically dancing around me, as Kisame propped me up, while he turned to get the coffee.

"No it is certainly not made up! It's the language of my ancestors!" I was ready to smack him at that point. That is until my beloved was shoved in my face. "COFFEE! My darling and love! How I've missed you so! Has it really been only yesterday, since I last saw you and- Hey, wait a minute! Coffee is what got me in this mess in the first place! I remember now!"

"Huh, what are you talking about? I thought, you said, coffee was good for you?" Kisame seemed perplexed that the coffee wasn't doing its job, to calm me down.

"No, what I mean, is that yesterday I was still at home, not here. And I just remember, what had happened that got me sent here!"

* * *

Translations: ¹What are you doing? Are you trying to kill me?

Authors Note:Well there you have it, my fifth chapter, please review it. And please go to my poll. Don't forget I don't know when the next update will be because its kinda hard with my dad having my Laptop, that and I decided that unless I get a better amount of reviews I'm going to take my time to put up chapters, so all you readers out there who actually want me to update, review! Until next time this is Neko!


	6. Day 2 part 4

**I'm The Akatsuki What?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the other stuff that is mentioned.

Authors Note: Neko here! I finished the next chapter hooray. Thank you to everyone who review and gave me tips on how to make this story better for everyone to read!

'Sounds look like this'

_'Thoughts look like this.'_

* * *

"¿Por qué? ¿Por qué Dios? ¿Por qué yo?"¹ I sat down on the table and put my head down to talk to myself in peace.

"What was that? Tobi still doesn't know what you're saying." Tobi/Madara attempted to make eye contact with me.

"I said could someone go get Kakuzu and Hidan. They are going to want to hear this." I felt tired all of a sudden as I hear Kisame leave to get the others._ 'This isn't good, if what I think is true then, then the chances are good t__hat I can never go home.' _Suddenly, it felt like someone slapped me in the face, as the full blown weight of what was going on had finally caught up to me. This wasn't a game, this wasn't a dream, I'm not going to wake up and make everything bad go away. _'__Not only that, but if I tell them __that, then there__ is still the chance that they will try and-Damn it! Why the hell won't Madara stop jumping around! It__'s__ starting to get really annoying!' _"Damn it! Can't a girl mope in peace!" I curled my fists and I took a swing at the swirling orange mask of doom.

X 'Music is like magic, there's a certain feel you get when you're real' X

"Okay there he-TOBI! PUT HER DOWN NOW!" Turns out punching Madara in the face wasn't such a hot idea after all.

"Whoops!" 'Thump' He got really mad and tried to strangle me. _'Finally! I can only take so much strangling before I risk death. It's a good thing my brother put me through those "lessons".'_

"It's about-cough- time-cough- you came."

"Tobi what the hell were you thinking?" Kisame seemed really angry at Tobi.

"Yeah you little fucker, if anything I want to offer up the little bitch as a sacrifice."

"Hidan don't. Kisame called us so she can explain how she managed to infiltrate our base. This information is very vital for future references."

"Do any of you-cough- know what a Tesseract is?"

"No."

"Didn't think so, a Tesseract -cough- is a bridge that connects alternate universes and can act as a shortcut of sorts between worlds. Although I have only studied the subject in passing, I know that unless you know where it connects and what time; running into it twice is highly-cough- unlikely."

"What does that have to do with coffee? Tobi still doesn't understand." _'Of course you would want to know more about it Madara.'_

"Yesterday morning when I was making coffee, I think I managed to get caught in a sudden slip in the Tesseract, that also managed knocked me out. That's why I couldn't remember what had happened until now and" My voice got smaller and smaller with each word. "Why I know I can never get back home."

"Wait, why were you studying this stuff in the first place? I didn't think that academies taught those kinds of things. And does that mean you're from another world?" Kisame had too many questions that needed to be answered.

"I was studying it because in school we read a fictional book on the subject; I got interested and studied up on it. And yes, I'm from another world, that's why it was hard for me to answer your questions earlier." _'Might as well go with the truth __on this.' _"Although because the slip was a random act, it dropped me off here. That's why I ended up in your living room."

"Then can it be controlled and allow the user to go where ever in the universe? Tobi thinks he understands." _'Of course you would u__nderstand Madara. That eye of yours allows you to go into other dimensions. And of course you want to know if it can be used to your advantage.'_

"Maybe, back home all this is still in the hypothesis stage. What happened to me was a random act of nature." _'I need to get out of this conversation, I'm getting really depressed and I don't have my knife to play with.' _"Just be glad it's me you're dealing with and not my brother. He doesn't take to new situations very well."

"Does he need to be put on medication too?" Kisame wasn't too pleased at the idea.

"What the fuck? You're on fucking meds.? What are you, fucking psycho or something?" Hidan came back from 'Land of The Brain Dead'.

"No, I was telling Kisame earlier that my parents never took me to a therapist because it cost too much."

"What the fuck?"

"Alright then, now that I know that Neko was telling truth about not being a spy. I think it will be safe to say, that you can now move about the base more freely with only minimal restrictions." Kakuzu seemed somewhat relived that he didn't let a spy in.

"Let me guess stay away from weapons, poisons, and rooms that say 'do not enter' right?" The new freedoms where a bit surprising, but still welcomed.

"Yes, not only that, but Hidan and I will be leaving on a mission tomorrow and won't come back for a while."

"Wait! You can't do that! That leaves me more open to attack by the swirly mask of orange doom!"

"Good point. Tobi from now on you are hereby banned from hurting Neko in anyway."

"Yes Kakuzu-san, Tobi will be a good boy." _'Liar.'_

"Does that include psychologically too? Because I know that can end in death too."

"..."

"What? I was friends with some suicidal kids a while back. You wouldn't believe the stories they had to tell."

Kakuzu cleared his voice. "Alright, then Tobi that includes psychologically too. Happy now, Neko?"

"No, I still need coffee, but for now I can deal." _'Even after all I have been through I still love my coffee.'_

"Good, by the way Kisame what happened to Itachi?"

"Isn't he with that fucking transvestite and freaky ass puppet guy?" Hidan speaks.

"Yeah that's true. Itachi-san was needed on a special assignment that's why I had to partner up with Tobi." Kisame didn't seem too pleased with the occurrence.

"Question." I raised my hand. "Who is Itachi, transvestite person and puppet guy?" _"The Uchiha Itachi, Deidara__,__ and Sasori.'_

"They're other members and will most likely arrive after we leave tomorrow." Kakuzu had been taking the whole situation very well.

"So does that mean there is greater or lesser chance of meeting another swirly mask of doom person?"

"Depends, is it only Tobi's mask that freaks you out?"

"Do the dolls with eyes that follow you everywhere count?"

"Yes."

"Then no, I should be fine around the other members."

* * *

Translations: ¹ 'Why? Why God, why? Why me?'

Authors Note: Well there you have it, my next chapter, please review it. Also I have been posting up my progress with the story on my profile. Please go to my poll while you're visiting. Not only that I decided that unless I get **25** reviews in total, I'm going to take my time to put up chapters, so all your readers out there who actually want me to update, review! Until next time this is Neko!


	7. Day 3

**I'm The Akatsuki What?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the other stuff that is mentioned.

Authors Note: Neko here! Important notice at the bottom.

'Sounds look like this'

_'Thoughts look like this.'_

* * *

For the rest of the day I followed around Kakuzu as he gave me a proper tour of the base. In the end I was able to draw out a crude map of the base. Although the next day proved to be more exciting.

X 'This strife it dies, this life and these lies.'X

"WHAT THE HELL ARE DOING!" _'Whoops!'_

"You see, what happen was I was, um I was, crap what was I doing?"_'Crap what I'm I suppose to say? I was wandering around, got lost and started drawing on the wall with fake blood?'_

"What the hell is on the wall? Is that what I think it is?"

"... Nooooo. Well if you're thinking blood then you're only half right."

"Why the hell are you drawing on the walls in the first place! Let alone with blood, what the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking, I was lost and figured I would be able to tell the halls apart if there was something on them."

"Why blood though? Couldn't you have used chalk?"

"Can't. Don't have chalk and plus this isn't blood, blood would probably come out better."

"Then what is this stuff? It looks like blood, but with out the smell. "

"It's fake blood that I carry around in my backpack."

"Oh okay, but don't you have anything else to draw with other then fake blood? Like a pencil or something?"

"Nope. Finger painting is much more fun especially when it's with fake blood!"

"Remind me again why your parents never took you to see a therapist."

"Because it cost too much!" I beamed at him with my biggest smile, although considering I got some fake blood on my face, I doubt it did anything to help.

"Right, right just don't do this to the rest of the halls. You're lucky hardly anyone comes by here."

"How come? Anyways if that's true what are you doing here Kisame?"

"This hall lead to both Zetsu's room and an older storage unit, for the most part only holds useless scrolls."

"Oh, okay that makes sense, but that still doesn't explain why your here."

"The leader says he wants one of the scrolls. And why am I letting you interrogate me?"

"Beats me. But I"m almost finished here, so I'll join you in a bit back to the living room."

"Okay..." Kisame walked past me down the hallway.

_'Crud that was close! Anyone else would have killed me on the spot. Well maybe after I clean it up.'_ "Well at least my picture came out somewhat like what I envisioned, kinda, sorta, well not really." What was suppose to be was an imitation of 'Wheat Field with Crows' looked like, well, crap. "Doubt anyone would be able to figure out what this is...Whatever, at least he didn't tell me to clean it off."

"What heck is that suppose to be?" A uncomfortably familiar deep voice stated behind me. I turn slowly to confront the newcomer.

"Why it is a imitation of a famous piece that dates back before my grandfather was born."

"So it's suppose to look like a puddle of blood smeared around?"

"Of course not silly. I had only the color red available so I made do."

"Still looks like shit."

"Why Tobi whatever happened to your good boy attitude!" I feigned shock to add to the insult.

"Cut the crap brat and tell me why you're down here."_'Feisty aren't we? But what so special about this hallway? Kisame said it only lead to the storage unit and Zetsu's room.'_

"Got lost and figure why not do some finger painting." I shrugged, no point in lying.

"If your done, leave the hallway and don't come back wandering here again." Tobi/Madara voice seem to be hiding a secret, so I wanted in on it. Me and my stupid tendencies to do stupid things were still in high gear.

"Why so I don't interrupt you and Zetsu, having wild unadulterated sex when he comes to base?" _'Making fun of people always makes them spill more then they want to._

"So long as you understand I expect you won't."

_'...'_"..." My mind went blank at that statement, I really wasn't expecting that.

"Hey Neko. Are you done with that picture of yours yet?" Kisame's voice rang out from behind me.

"Um yeah." I turn to see Kisame holding a small scroll and a totally oblivious-to-the-situation look on his face.

"Hey Tobi what are you doing here? Zetsu won't be back for a while." _'Wait a minute, I remember in the manga that he knows who Madara is. Does that mean he doesn't know who Tobi really is or is he just playing stupid in front of others?'_

"Tobi was just talking to Neko about her picture. Tobi wanted to know what it was." Tobi/Madara chirped. _'Liar! You just didn't want me anywhere near your lovers room!'  
_

"Oh okay. Come on Neko I'll lead you back to the main halls."

X' Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess, singin' drunken lullabies 'X

_'So Madara is gay or bi maybe? I don't know, although I prefer him gay then bi. Gay guys are usually easier to deal with. 'Course if that's true then I never, want to have to wash the sheets for these guys.'_

"Whats wrong Neko you miss Kakuzu and Hidan already?" Kisame is busy making something sweet smelling in the kitchen. I look up from the table.

"No, I'm just wondering what the main purpose of this base is."_ 'Because you never see it in the anime or manga.' _

"Easy, this base is used as a rest stop for Akatsuki members between missions. Although you never usually see more then four of us together at a time. This time around it will only be because of who the mission called for."

"Itachi, the transvestite, and puppet guy right?"

"Right. Although you shouldn't call them that in their faces."

"Whats their real names then?"_ 'Like I don't know already.'_

"I'll introduce you to them when they get here, so don't say anything until then."

"Hai. One more question are you and Itachi, how should I say, fuck-buddies?" Kisame had chose that moment to taste test and well, the splatter on the wall, along with his face was just priceless. It truly was.

"What! Are you even old enough to know that kind of stuff? Let alone ask?" _'I knew it, you can't freak out that badly for it not to be true.'_Poor Kisame, making fun of him was too easy.

"Um, define old enough."

"Neko how old are you really?" Kisame growled he was really piss and nothing short of a miracle was going to get me out of this mess.

* * *

Authors Note: Okay people instead of reviewing I need you to vote on my poll I need at least 20 more votes before the next chapter because the chapter will depend on how the votes go. As such please vote! Until next time this is Neko!


	8. Day 3 part 2

**I'm The Akatsuki What?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the other stuff that is mentioned.

Authors Note: Neko here! My icon for my profile is what the painting in the hallway is suppose to look like.

'Sounds look like this'

_'Thoughts look like this.'_

* * *

"We're back, un!"

"Quiet brat. No one needs to hear your voice."

"Aw don't be so mean Sasori no Danna, un. Hey. Itachi where are you running off to?"

_'Save by the Akatsuki! How ironic.' _'Thunk!' Itachi bursts in the door of the kitchen and looks straight at me.

"Kisame who is this?" Itachi's eyes held nothing, but pure malice filled suspicion._' Why__ do I have the feeling I'm in big trouble? Oh god, please don't tell me he heard what I said.'_

"Hey Itachi! This is Neko, she works here now. Neko this is Itachi and-"

I interrupted Kisame to say."I know he's your-"

"NEKO!"

"Kisame?" Itachi was looking at Kisame at this point and looked, well confused.

"I was going to say that you're his-" I will never learn to keep my mouth shut.

"Neko shut up. It's nothing Itachi, she was probably talking to Hidan the other day and picked up some weird ideas." Kisame probably could have smoothed things over with Itachi and made the whole issue go away if I wasn't currently bored. And therefore not thinking about what I said.

"Did not! Hidan stopped talking to me after the whole praying thing. No, I got this idea from you when you were stressing out when I said that-"

"Neko shut up now! If you say another word, I swear to god that I'll-"

"Wait, which god? Because there is Hidan's god, my god or do you have you of your own?"

X 'When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real and I'm trapped in this memory.'X

For about a good 10 maybe 15 minutes the argument kept going on and on. The only thing that had stopped us was the burning smell from the stove top. "Whoa what where you making anyways? That stuff is officially ruined now."

"Neko."

"Yeah? What's up Itachi?"

"You have 3 seconds to run before I-" I'm not even stupid enough to stay to hear the end of that sentence.

X 'Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown will break down.'X

_'Damn it, I'm lost. AGAIN!' _Turns out, running without a destination in this place was a bad idea.

"Well never again and never again.

They gave us two shots to the back of the head.

And we're all dead now,

well never again and never again."_'My singing voice is terrible anyways, so being alone works for me. Plus I still need to find Deidara and Sasori.'_

"Danna... please.. not... no-ow..." Deidara's voice echoed into the hallway.

"Okay I guess I'll put off meeting them until tomorrow."

X 'His house is a broken home, there's no control, he just lets his emotions go.'X

"Coffee, my beloved darling, how long has it been since we've last meet? Too long I'm afraid, has it not?" I was practically waltzing with the mug of coffee in hand.

"Oi! Who are you, un? Oi! Can you even hear me, un?" Nope. I could only see the coffee and therefore could not see the mouth-hand flung in my face.

"Holy shit!" I jumped back, tripped and spilled the coffee on myself. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! It burns, it burns! How could you do this coffee? How could you do this to me! I loved you! " Deidara could only stand back and watch the scene unfold. "How could you? I gave up so much for you!" 'Thunk'

"What the hell are you yelling about so early in the morning?" Kisame burst in yelling.

"My lover betrayed me that's what!"

"..." Kisame stared at me until he turned to Deidara to say. "Deidara I didn't know you knew Neko."

"I don't know her, un! I don't even understand what's going on, un!" Deidara flailed his arms around helplessly.

X 'In the land of the killers, a sinner's mind is a sanctum, Holy or unholy.'X

It took a long time for Kisame to calm me down long enough to hear what happened. "An-and then i-it burned me!" A thought popped into my head. "Hey your name is Deidara right?"

"Yeah, why? Un." Deidara wasn't happy about the sudden shift in attention.

"Because yesterday I heard your voice in the halls. What was that about?"

"Oh, that, un. Sasori no Danna wanted me to fight a new puppet of his, but I was too tired, un." _'Oh, but wait, that really doesn't explain the way he was moaning.'_

"Okay one more question; you wouldn't happen to be the transvestite Hidan was talking about would you?"

"..."

"... I'm going to blow up that bastard the next I see him! Un!"

"Then you are the guy he was talking about! But you don't look like a transvestite." Whether or not that was revelation to Deidara I wouldn't find out, as he ran off screaming about how he was going to blow up Hidan.

"Neko. Please shut up."

"No way Kisame, I had to say that to him. After all he's the reason why coffee hurt me."

"Neko I will never understand you even if I had the time to." Kisame dropped his head in defeat.

"You're leaving?"_'Wait no he can't leave! Who am I suppo__se to go to if Madara becomes violent again?'_

"Don't worry I'll tell Sasori about your situation, not only that Itachi and I won't leave for another two days."

"Including how Tobi is not suppose to pull assassination attempts on me?"_'That's my main concer__n if anything.'_

"Yeah that too, but Zetsu is suppose to come in about a week, so you won't have to worry about him for long."_'Good! But wait__,__ is what Madara said true?'_

* * *

Authors Note: Okay people I gave up on you guys, so the story will go the way I had originally planned it. On the side note, I made a side story that will follow along with this one to explain anything I forgot to put here. Until next time this is Neko!


	9. Day 5

**I'm The Akatsuki What?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the other stuff that is mentioned.

Authors Note: Neko here! **This is the last chapter ever! Instead this will become an educational program! Yay! **For more information please read the bottom.

'Sounds look like this'

_'Thoughts look like this.'_

* * *

"Hallelujah! Praise the Gods! They have blessed me with good luck yet again!" But of course with every good thing that happens something bad has to happen too. 'Thwack!'

"What the hell are you yelling- oh whoops, sorry, un." Deidara not only managed to catch me off guard, again, he also managed to hit my head with the door.

"Ow! What was the for? I was only celebrating the discovery of my cellphone! Anyways what are you doing in that room?"

"First off that is none of your business. Next what's a cellphone, un?"

"A cellphone my dear Deidara, is one of generation Y's and I's most valued possession."

"Why and I, un? And that doesn't explain what a cellphone is."

"Y and I are references to age groups of society and their level of advancement compared to the generation before them. As for me, I'm a generation Y child while my sister is a generation I child. This means that she will adapt to technology faster and at a younger age then me. Understand now?"

"But wait if she's your sister then..?"

"It's because she is under 12 years old, I'm over that age, so I'm a generation Y child."

"Oh, but wait, you still haven't explained what a cellphone is, un."_'Damn I thought blonds were supposed to be easy to distract.' _

"A cellphone can only be described as the life line that cannot be taken from those who have been exposed to it."

"But wait, then how did you last here without knowing you had it, un?"

"Because I have practiced living without it before, as such, I can withstand the side effects it can cause."

"Side effects, un?"

"Yup. Side effects* which include:

Moodiness

Shrewdness

Feelings of being naked

Feelings of being lost

Depression

A sudden need to spend time with family

Sudden need to be anti-social."

"...Are you serious? There's no way anything can do that to you and you said children got hooked on this stuff, is it a drug or something, un?"

"Nope! Even better it's this thing!" I shove my phone in his face, he took a step back before taking a look at, as if expecting for it blow up in his face.

"Huh, the way you described I was expecting something more impressive, un." He seemed to deem it safe enough to hold at this point.

"I know right? But when you get separated from one of these all of the above can occur I should know . This is probably my fifth one so far."

"Fifth? How many can you have, un?"

"As many as you want I suppose, it all depends on your needs and the type of phone currently available to you."

"What can it do then, un." Deidara was turning it around in his hands looking at it from all angles. Before I plucked it from his hands.

"This my dear Deidara can do nothing at the moment, as it is dead and therefore currently useless."

"It can die, un?" Deidara looked really disappointed at this point and somewhat bored as well.

"Yeah it can die. The battery just needs to be recharged anyways, why would I let you use it? Didn't I just explain what happens to people when they get exposed to one of these? You're just lucky it was off or else I would have to explain to whats-his-name why you became a total mess." I shook my head. " Nope, so not going to happen."

"Yeah right, you're making all of this up, un. There's no way that can happen." Deidara folded his arms and tried to look haughty.

"I'm not going to fall for the 'let's see you prove it thing' I am not going to let you use it and fall victim to its power."

"It can't be that bad, un!" Deidara shot his hand out and grabbed the phone from my hand.

"Hey! Give that back!" I lunge at him and he threw his hand up away from my reach.

"Not happening, un. Now tell me how it works." He was smirking at his new power over me. _'You __messed with the wrong person Deidara!' _

I turned to look behind him before yelling. "SASORI! WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES!" The fool-er Deidara turned to look and then 'smack' I kicked his unmentionables. 'Thump!' "Maybe I should have told you that another one of the side effects is sudden bursts of uncontainable rage." He was in a fetal position and wasn't moving much or making any sounds either."...Oh well, I got my phone back." With that, I turned and left Deidara on the floor clutching his damaged goods. _'Let me see, if I hide out in the laundry room for the next couple of hours it should be enough for this whole thing to blow over. Right?'_

X''Cuz I'm an idiot, a loser, microphone abuser. I analyze every second I exist' X

"NEKO! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!" Kisame's voice was so loud I could hear it over the machines. _'Shoot! Deidara must has snitched on me!... Or Kisame found him and figured it out himself. Hmm how smart did the books say he was?' _While I was trying remember what I had read or saw, I didn't hear anyone come in.'Thump' "There you are Neko!"

"!" Will Kisame ever learn?

"Right I forgot I can't just enter rooms now."

"Oh it's you Kisame. Why do you insistent on scaring the daylights out of me?"

"Because you are always out of it. Anyways was it you who incapacitate Deidara?"

"Define incapacitate."

"Kicking his crotch hard enough to the point where he can't move anymore."

"Oh, then yeah that was me. He was mocking me and I momentarily lost my temper."

"Alright then I can do this." Kisame started to lift his hand and I flinched away just to have him pat my back. "Good job you just took down an S-class criminal!"

"Huh? You're not mad? I thought you were mad?"

"Nope! That's a good thing! Because it's only a matter of time before you will be left alone for months at a time. So you need to be able to protect yourself."

"Suckersaywha?"

"What?"

"I'm going to be left alone months at a time!"

"Yeah, like I said the most people we tend to get here is about four at a time, but sometimes no one will be here for months at a time."

"...I will end up going insane from lack of contact with the real world. I hope you know that."

"At least then we will know that you really are insane."

"Very funny Kisame."

* * *

*Side effects noted from watching my brother when he broke his most recent phone.

Authors Note: Okay here's the deal, I've been having problems with the person editing my chapters (such as taking anywhere from one day to month to read one chapter), so I need a new beta-er, but I want it to be someone who has been keeping up with this story. So if you want to try for the job please send me a message. For everyone else remember reviews make me type faster! Until next time this is Neko!

P.S.- There is a missing chapter to this story hiding in my drabbles.


	10. Day 6

**I'm The Akatsuki What?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the other stuff that is mentioned.

Authors Note: Neko here! Sorry about the wait, I kept catching the wrong plot bunnies. Stupid mass interbreeding... Anyways enjoy!

'Sounds look like this'

_'Thoughts look like this.'_

* * *

_'An apocalypses is coming and now I really wish I had bought an Martha Stewart Apocalypse kit.' _From the lack of screaming during the early morning it was concluded that Kisame had left with Itachi before dawn. _'Oh well I had my coffee and managed to clean without breaking anything... Shit something bad is going to happen...'_

"Oi are you the brat named Neko?" _'Yup should have bought the kit. No good comes from having a relaxing morning.' _Sasori didn't sound the least pleased, not that it was new or anything. _'How the hell am I still alive from pissing so many people off?' _"Brat answer me!"

"Well unless someone else works here that's new too, then I doubt that it wouldn't be me."

"Then you acknowledge that you hurt my Deidara?"

"I didn't know puppets can have pets."

"...What?"

"Well you see Hidan said-"

"Enough! If Hidan was involved then I don't want to hear it. I came on the behalf that you hurt my Deidara!"

"Oh you mean how he was harassing me so I kicked him in the privates?"

"Yes."

"Then yeah I did, he had it coming to him if he was going to be so cocky."

"Kicking him there was the most offending thing you could have done."

"I know. There was a whole discussion on it at school, on how if you don't run away fast enough or kick hard enough, there is a really good chance that when they get up you will get beat up for it. So I figured that for being such a asshole it would be fitting to kick him there."

"Well you certainly kicked him hard enough because now he can't move or speak correctly."

"It's his fault for being an asshole, not mine."

"It was still not an appropriate way to deal with the situation."

I throw my hands up in the air."Sasori since this is the first time talking to you, let me say this before you keep trying to lecture me on what is appropriate and what isn't. First of all." I point one finger up. "I am an American. That means just about everything I do here is probably unorthodox compared to what the customs are here. Second." I point another finger up. "This also means I don't give a damn if he is suffering right now because that simply means he got what was coming to him. Third." I point yet another finger up. " If you try to lecture me I will simply tune you out, like I do with Hidan when his ranting gets boring. Any questions?"

"Yes, how do you know my name?"

"Deidara was moaning it the other day. And nobody else here goes by Sasori."

"..."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, you will never speak of this again to anyone. Understood?"

"Does this include Taka?"

"Who?"

"He is one of my imaginary friends, who lives in my head sometimes."

"Sometimes?"

"Yeah because he travels around the world with Ryū and Ōkami as they search the world for adventure and romance. While the guilt of their past forever haunts them in their journey through life."

"... I think Kisame warned me about when you start talking nonsense."

"Hey! That's really rude! Plus do realize how long it took me to come up with that line?"

"A split second?"

"No! It took me days to come up with that because I wanted to write out their story in a book!"

"... I don't care anymore just don't tell anyone about what you heard."

"So does that mean I can't tell Taka?"

"So long as they are part of your imagination I don't care."

"Is that a yes?"

"...Do you by any chance know your IQ?"

"Actually yes, yes I do. Although it is from about three years ago, it was 116. Why?"

"In what range?"

"Zero through two-hundred, again why?"

"I was simply wondering if you were mentally deficient to the point that you couldn't understand simple instructions."

"... That was a low blow Sasori. That hit me right in the heart." I grab at my heart. "That's a really harsh saying that you think I'm stupid. And here I though we might become friends. Guess I was wrong to think that." 'Sniffle' I turn away from him."To think of all things to be called, it had to be mentally deficient, that's like being called retarded." 'Sniffle' "Anything else I can twist it to be a compliment, but mentally deficient? How am I to bounce back from that?" 'Sniffle' I take my arm to my head in a dramatic gesture. "Oh the shame, the embarrassment. How could have I have fallen this low to be called mentally deficient?"

"...You practice this don't you?"

I turned around. "How did you know?"

"I guessed."

"Liar. I bet you deal with this kind of crap regularly."

"True, but still, don't you think you are pushing it?"

"Possibly, but who's to say that I need to change my ways?"

"Everyone here would probably all agree for you to do so."

"Yeah, but the last time I tried to change myself I got really bored."

"How long was your attempt?"

"A week and it was probably the most boring week ever."

"Then it is hopeless to wish for you to change?"

"Yup! Course I don't generally push it like I did with Deidara, but hey stuff happens."

"sigh" Sasori simply shook his head and walked away.

_'Hey, now that I think about it. Why isn't he inside a puppet?'_

* * *

Authors Note: This was a hard chapter to write because I couldn't think of how the fight with Sasori would move the story. Well anyways I still need a new beta-er so send me a message if you are interested. For everyone else, remember reviews make me type faster! Until next time this is Neko!


	11. Day 7

**I'm The Akatsuki What?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the other stuff that is mentioned.

Authors Note: Neko here! Yay! I got two chapters done, while being held hostage in another country! One more thing, does anyone else see the trend in my chapters?

'Sounds look like this'

_'Thoughts look like this.'_

* * *

"I'm bored and lost...Again, but still bored. At least when I get lost in the store there's stuff to look at. This place looks the same to me no matter where I turn." For some reason getting lost in the base was hobby of mine that rarely ends well. "And hey! That's the picture I drew a couple of days ago! Uh oh, then that means I'm near Zetsu's room."

"Bingo." A familiar voice states behind me.

_'Shit!'_ I don't turn to meet it. Instead I say."Does that mean I've won a chocolate cupcake with strawberry icing; covered in grapes and blueberries?"

"What?"

Still not turning. "Well I'd ask for raisins, but they don't sound very good on a chocolate cupcake."

"True, but what are you doing here?"

"I got lost?"

"You shouldn't have been wandering around in the first place."

"Hey!" I just barely stop myself from turning around."That's not true! I wasn't wandering around! I was-" With a sweep of my arm I state. "simply surveying the area."

"Then you won't have gotten lost if that was case, would you?"

I turned around. "Now look here, I don't like you making fun of my sense direction because I already know that it's a load of crap. I don't need you to remind me of that."

"I simply making a statement no need to take it any further then that."

"I still feel insulted by your comment."

"You don't seem like the kind of person who would be insulted by simple comments."

"Nor do I seem like I care about the condition of my nails, but I still carry around a nail filer and buffer."

"Seriously?"

"Yup! You never know when you're going to chip a nail."

"How about I lead out of here as an apology?"

"That would be great! But what are you doing here anyways?"

"Wandering around."

X' If they say life is a dream call this insomnia because this ain't wonderland 'X

"Hey! Question, how come you aren't as mean as you were before?"

"Different situation."

"Okay, then does this have anything to do with the fact that Kisame isn't here, Itachi?"

"Possibly, but who are you to judge?"

"No one of true value, but I have a week to kill until Kakuzu comes back with Hidan."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well you see, when they come back I will go into hiding until they leave again."

"It can't be that bad."

"I ended up praying to a god I haven't talked to in years."

"Oh."

"Yeah, I don't think it will work twice though. So what's on your mind?"

"If I had anything to worry about, I wouldn't tell you."

"Blah. You just admitted you have a problem. Okay how about you explain why you are here and Kisame is off on some mission."

"What have you to gain from this information?"

"Nothing except some killed time. Because both you and I know that so long as the Akatsuki is alive and well, I will never be allowed to leave without a coffin."

"And here I thought you were a naïve child."

"Hey! I ain't stupid!"

"So you admit to being a child?"

"Yes! Very much so!"

"..."

"I wouldn't worry about it much until I start asking for pads."

"Pads?"

"Um, I think they also go by pantie liners?"

"You can't be that old."

"Ah! So you know what they are? Good because I will be needing some within the week or two."

"...You can't be serious. Do you honestly expect me to go off and get you them?"

"Well as far as I can tell there is no girls in the Akatsuki." _'Although I wish I could meet Konan.'_

"You know what? There is a girl on the Akatsuki and I will personally make sure you meet her."

_'Yes!' _"Aw that's okay Itachi. No one would think any less of you if would go get them."

"No, really I'll go talk to the leader right now about having her come by!" At this point the great Uchiha Itachi started into a slow descent into panic mode.

"Honestly Itachi, you're acting like we are talking about the process and steps of using a tampon!"

"... Please don't talk about that."

"Don't worry about it. I'm saving that talk for Deidara, for when he gets his sex change"

"Why would he get a sex change?"

"Oh! Didn't you hear about what happen a few days ago?"

"...No."

"Well long story short, I don't think it will be long until we find if the damage is permanent or not."

X' They will not force us, they will stop degrading us, they will not control us, we will be victorious!'X

"Hey Sasori, un. Is that little bitch still alive?"

"Deidara after a long discussion with her, I don't think either of us will win."

"Why, un?"

"Because turns out you are louder then I had anticipated."

"What does that have to do with anything, un?"

"She heard you the other day and if she decides to open her mouth, I doubt the leader will approve of it."

"So why didn't you kill her before something like that happens, un?"

"Because it will appear suspicious if she where to suddenly die, and with us here we are the prime suspects."

"Can't you make her into a puppet, that way no one will be any wiser, un."

"No, there is no way I can mimic her behavior."

"Then how about we say she went out bounds and we had no choice, but to kill her, un?"

"No, we would need to present the case to Kakuzu and the leader, before we can get approval for that."

"Shit. What now, un? We're screwed either way and so long as that bitch is still alive we can't do anything to stop it, un."

"I'll think of something."

X' Because the world don't like us, it's going to shake us like a cold 'X

'Achoo!' "Huh,what did they say about sneezing in Japan? People are talking about you right? Or maybe it's just a cold... Blah, whatever."

* * *

Authors Note: Hah! I bet you guys didn't see that coming did you? Oh and **I REALLY NEED A BETA-ER! PLEASE SIGN UP! **For everyone else remember reviews make me type faster! Until next time this is Neko!


	12. Day 8

I'm The Akatsuki What?

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the other stuff that is mentioned.

Authors Note: Neko here! Hah! This chapter is proof that reviews help me type faster!

'Sounds look like this'

___'Thoughts look like this.'_

* * *

"Why are you smiling Neko?"

"Why are guys with red hair called fire-crotch?"

"What?" Sasori looks really surprise at that.

"Why are guys with red hair called fire-crotch?"

"...Where in the world did you get that?"

"At school any boy with natural red hair is called fire-crotch." I smile at the disgusted face Sasori

makes at my explanation.

"... Remind me again why you are here?" Sasori tries to change the subject.

"Because I was hired clean."___'I just tend to cause trouble.'_

"Eh? Is that the only reason you are here, un?" Deidara's surprise voice rang out.

"You know Deidara has a point. If you are here to clean, why is it we never see you do so?" Sasori

seemed to have an evil idea brewing in his mind.

"Before I answer that, what time of day have you guys seen me?"___'Where did Deidara come from?'_

"I last spoke to you in the afternoon." Sasori seemed to be trying to figure out the point of this.

"I saw you in the afternoon too, un. What does this have to do with anything?" Deidara goes to the

cabinet.

"Because by the afternoon, I'm usually finished with most of my work until night time."

"What kind of work only requires work from you in the mornings and at night?" Sasori's sounded really

suspicious.

"In the morning, after a cup of coffee, I start up the machines in the laundry room."

"Wait! Were you the one who took my clothes from my room, un?" Deidara looks away from what he

was doing to stare at me.

"Yeah, Kakuzu gave me the master key. And I'm a little concern about about how almost all your

clothes are ripped; care to explain?"

"..." Deidara had turned away and seemed to refuse to answer that.

"Anyways after all the machines are running, I start sewing up anything salvageable; which is why you

won't be seeing much of your clothing anytime soon. After about an hour of doing that I take a mop and

bucket of water to a random hallway and wash it down, until I can see the tile underneath. That tends to

take about a couple of hours. Then after I finish a whole hallway, I come back to the kitchen and wash

all the dishes everyone has left from their breakfast. Then I return to the laundry room and sort out the

clothes before setting then back to work on sewing again. After all that I eat brunch and wander

through the halls before running into one of you guys. After escaping death from the encounters" I got

wary look from the both of them. "usually that's when everyone has had lunch and I clean up those dishes as well. I go back to the laundry room and finish off the clothes and go take a nap until hunger gets to me and go eat dinner and clean up yours. And then I go back to sleep to start the process over again."

"******Oh.**" They were in perfect harmony in that simple statement.

"Yeah, so the reality is that my schedule is set so I only see any of you guys for about an hour total

throughout the whole day."___'Anymore time then that will lead to my death.'_"By the way has anyone

seen Tobi lately?"

"Tobi? He isn't a real member so he is sent on errands when he is not needed by Zetsu, un. Why?" The

look of suspicion returned to visit.

"Because Tobi is scary." I say simply, with the most serious face I could pull off.

"******...**" The beauty of harmony shall never cease to entertain me. The only difference was what

happened after the initial shock of my words. While Sasori had a face of question, Deidara broke out

laughing without restraint.

"What? I can't help it if his mask reminds me of a soul sucking vortex of doom!" This only made

Deidara laugh harder and Sasori shook his head and looked away. "It's not funny! Anyways do either of

you know what happened to Itachi? I saw him the other day, but I haven't seen him since."

"Itachi?" Sasori seem to take interest in this bit of information. "Shouldn't he be with Kisame on a

mission right about now?"

"Beats me. He wouldn't tell me why he was here either. I figured maybe you two might know."___'Why do _

___I feel like I just put Itachi on the chopping block?' _"And I've already knocked at his door a couple of

times but no one answered."

Deidara finally stopped laughing to look at me and say. "Neko you said you have the master key right,

un?"

"Yeah, why?" _'____This can't end well.'_

"Then why don't we go into his room and find out what is going on, un?" Deidara had a look on his

face that defined trouble.

"Because something tells me that doing so might end with someone getting hurt." _'Most likely me.'_

"Don't worry about it, un! Come on lets go!" Deidara jumped up and dragged me with him straight to

Itachi's room.

"Deidara this is a really stupid idea! What if he gets mad or something! Then what?" Turns out Deidara

is stronger then he looks, so trying to pull away wasn't really possible.

"Alright here we are! Now open it up, un!" Deidara said after sudden stop.

"Dude, even I won't do something like this." I was backing away from the door as far as I could to get a

good running start.

"I figured you of all people would be interested in doing this though, un." Deidara baited.

"Yes, but Itachi scares me, unlike you." I said refusing the bait.

"What's that suppose to mean, un?" Deidara became unsurprising offended by this.

"That you don't scare me very much." I shrugged "What do you want me to say? That you look like a

pansy to me?"

"...You little bitch, you did not just tell me I look like a pansy, un!" Deidara was enraged.

"Okay then you're not a pansy." a flashback occurred at that moment of a previous incident. "Hey

Deidara you know what shadow pain is right?"

"Yeah, why?" Deidara became suspicious at the sudden topic change.

"Then I suppose the memory of being kick below the belt is still fresh?" At the mention of that day

flash through his mind the effects were immediate as he grimace at the pain that shot through him.

Deidara then pulled back his fist to hit her, only to see the door next to him open.

The sight that Neko saw made her scream "Es la llorona!*"

* * *

* "Es la llorona!" La llorona is from a popular legend in Mexico and Central America, it tells about a woman who wanders the earth looking for the children she had drowned.

Authors Note: Still need a new permanent beta-er please apply, doing it myself does nothing and I can't for the life of me remember who said the could or would.(Mostly because I eased the messages after reading them... Not my smartest idea) So if you offered before **PLEASE **say so again! For everyone else remember reviews make me type faster! Until next time this is Neko!


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